Monthly Archives: May 2012



Why can’t she be anything besides exactly like her mother?

I love them. I really do. It hurts my heart to hear them. The idea tugs at my heart. I become depressed thinking about the situation as it stands. But dear lord.

She called today (with her friend) and asked for money. Like, first thing. “At least $150 dollars…for early school clothes.” And then she said she loved me. Like, damn. Seriously? That may of seemed smooth, but that hurt. Manipulation, plain and simple. Do you think I’m stupid? Or that easy?

I do really want a really want a relationship with my stepdaughters. I’ve wanted that since before I knew them. I carried their picture of me after I met Jason. I freakin’ added them to my tattoo. I love them. And that makes it 100X harder when they do this shit to me. It was pointed. Decided. They called my cell phone – not their fathers. I’m an easy target and I wear my heart on my sleeve. And she saw it – one of them. And either it was a planned attack from her mother, or it was a planned attack from her…

The trip was fun. I was so glad to finally meet them. Hug them. It felt like I still had a chance to mean something to them. Jason felt so depressed and angry that we left early – they wouldn’t even look at him, let alone hug him. I didn’t even realize until we left. I suck. But they liked me – right? Well, obviously not.

I don’t freakin’ know. Sarina didn’t call. She hasn’t called. In all these calls it’s always been Sarie to make the move. What do I do about it? Leave one to flounder because of the other? Is she floundering? I just wish i knew what they wanted. Just money? Fine – disconnect from them emotionally and send them money. Help? Fight like it’s for life.

Wish I knew. Wish they really did love me. = /

P.S. – SHE HAD DRUGS IN HER NOSE! The first time she’s meeting me – a potentially important person in her life – and she can’t even clean herself up. Damn.